Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Avatar: Setting the Scene

(Original Post Date: June 24th, 2010)

Last night I brought a friend of mine to an Avatar meeting who is somewhat new to the fetish scene, and I thought the idea of corrupting a newbie would be fun if not educational. ;)

The subject was "Setting the Scene" a lecture on how different elements can really assist in making a fetish and kink scene more enjoyable for both parties.


Communication and negotiation of a scene is important.  Both parties must make it clear what each person enjoys and dislikes up front, and not just leave it to interpretation.  A lot of communication these days is done online, emails, texting and so on.  However, a lot is lost in simple tweets and internet messages, you don't have body language or vocal inflection.  Sure you could type in ALL CAPS, underline, bold, or italicize some parts of your message, but it still doesn't carry the same weight as a hand gesture or vocal influx does, and it never will.  So it is important to communicate properly, call each other, and meet up in person in order to negotiate a scene and discuss interests for better chances at understanding.


Music is also an important part of a scene, it can add an additional energy to the room during play that both parties get a specific boost from then a silent dungeon can provide.  Choosing the right sound is also critical, and should be obvious in some situations and circumstances.  I'll share a personal experience as an example:

I attended a dungeon play party one evening, and during my visit I met with a very nice older gentleman.  We hit it off very well and negotiated our scene, proceeded with our play, and in the middle of our scene, I finally noticed the music the dungeon had chosen to play was Whitney Houston or some similar female vocalist.  It became very difficult to focus on my scene and even though I still enjoyed myself, it was a constant distraction and I couldn't reach that 100% of nirvana.

Also be prepared to compromise music selection, the top may enjoy German Industrial while the bottom may want Gregorian Chants, it's important that both parties be happy during the scene or else no one will enjoy themselves, so be sure to have a variety of music available.  Also try to keep an eye out for merchants that sell music specifically designed for fetish play, they can sometimes be found at large fetish events such as IML and FOLSOM.


This should be pretty obvious, as no one would like to be freezing their ass off while trying to get into the mood and flow of a scene, nor would they like to be roasting in a poorly air-conditioned dungeon space.  Temperature is probably one of the easier things to understand,  as we deal with it on a daily basis anyway.  However it can also be a part of a scene, being a tool for comfort or the deprivation thereof, but also it can be a safety issue, as the last thing you want happening is your play partner passing out due to being so lightheaded.


Another easily understood, yet sometimes missed point.  Both parties should be aware of the others' interest in kink and fetish.  The lecturer gave a perfect example.  One day he had dressed in simple military camouflage pants and a green shirt to meet up with a bottom, when they met the bottom really enjoyed his pants and they had a great scene together.  The next day they had set up a demonstration of a punching fetish, the lecturer dressed up in leather and was all set to go, but when they met up, the bottom was dressed in military camouflage, and unfortunately the scene wasn't enjoyable for the sub, as his hopes and interests relied on the top being in military fatigues instead.

So be sure to make your gear fetish clear as well, if you want your top to be in leather, let them know.  If you like your bottom in uniform, tell them!


This is what makes or breaks a scene.  Some people may be more in tune with energy than others, but the fact remains the same, energy is important to everything.  When energy is in balance and things are smooth, you can rarely notice it at all, but when the energy is negative or sour, you tend to feel a certain uneasiness in the air, and it tends to make people uncomfortable.  When the energy is right and charged, you know it, you feel great, you feel wonderful, you feel ready to do anything you want!  (I am speaking from personal experiences and opinion of course so your experience may be different from mine, but it doesn't change the importance of energy itself.)

I hope this could be helpful to you, if you have any suggestions, comments or hints please share them, and as always, play safe.

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